this is how i feel

theres a hole with an intensity that grows every minute im alone, brings me down, so down that i can hardly breathe, something i cant express, it makes me realize how alone i am, how in dept i am, how empty i had been all along, smile but trully hurting, laugh but deeply bleeding, trapped in this darkness, it sophocates, it deceives, no one can see, no one care, no one understands, no one. so with all these wounds i move on in darkness, i linger alone.

I kinda browse at Herbs friendster today. And I saw something that touched the very heart of mine. A fathers day card. Fathers day didn’t really matter to me thinking my father is dead and I wasn’t on my emo mode last June 15. It just went by with me shrugging shoulder out of people celebrating it. I didnt even remember greeting Herb that day. I totally forgot that he’s a father of 3 too. The I saw a card, a card that expresses their love to my beloved Herb. A card filled with emotions, thanking my Herb for his sacrifices and love. I cant help but think, ito ang pamilyang muntik ko na masira. Ang mga anak na muntik ko na maagawan ng ama. I can only careless about his wife, but the kids, poor kids if we’ve been selfish. Pano sila??? Herb has made me swear not to enter in this kind of relationship again when we parted. Now I swear for myself, I will not engage myself in that kind of relationship anymore. I will not. But I love him, I still love him and will always love him.

Villa del Prado

June 15 08, what a long day it was, after the shift we went to Quezon Province at Villa del Prado. The whole of Team Ave it is. We were aboard 2 jeepneys. Going there was a test of patience for me. The 5 hour travel after a shift has made me lose temper and my tantrums was almost there. 5 hours on a jeepney imagine that. We passed by the Kamay Ni Jesus grotto in Lucban and left after 30 mins since we didnt have much time ahead. When we got there, I wasn’t able to sleep at all, we had a lot of fun. Foods everywhere, we also got to taste pancit habhab and broas which are native foods of Quezon. We went snorkeling, played games by the sea, bonfire recollection at night and gave out certificate of recognition for our top sellers. The only one so NOT good thing about it is that it has worsen the big pimple in my nose, so noticableon my pics. Hate it. One of my suitors from Quezon also graced us his presence with a couple of friends and since they were on the way to manila too, we kinda just hitch on their car for comfort on the way back. Here are some pics of our trip.

PICTURES

possesed

Dang! I look like the queen of the vampires, watch out Angelina Jolie, here I come!

a week it was

My Mr. McDreamy.... oh la la.

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone

going solo

Its been like more than a month since I moved out. May 30 it was when I transferred to my new home. I wanted to go solo so I can learn how to do it on my own without having my mom to do things for me when I’m at home. So far, I can say its fun to be alone, magastos lang nga. My agents would normally quote me as barat or kuripot. With the way things are going now, I have to be kuripot really, financially I’m not that stable. I have a lot of obligations and to mention a few, I have a family in to support in Santolan, the housing in Santolan, the pag ibig house we took at San Mateo, my internet, my phone bill, my rent in my new house, my own electricity and water bill and to top it all, my credit card bill which goes 7thou monthly on my citi, ouch. I cant even save anymore. Living alone, I’m thinking the city has made me a hard person. Yet if I stay out, it could make me too soft too. Never the less, this is what I am now. I’m afraid that if this continues, I might turn out to be a horrible person, no relationship might last because of me worrying about money at all time. I don’t want to be this person, If only I could be financially stable, but I’m not. So all boils down to budgeting. Sorry guys, as much as I want to treat you like I used to before when I still handle a team, I just couldn’t now a days.

UNFAIR

http://xtianitysaint.blogspot.com/2008/06/unfair.html

emo...

Is It Over?
Is it over, are you really over him
Is it over, or will you take him back againI
f it's over you can let his memory in
Come on over, we'll let our love begin.
You say you can't count the times that he's hurt you
And he's hurt you for the last time
Now you say I'm the one that you're needing
But is the need in your heart or just in your mind.
Is it over, are you really over him
Is it over, or will you take him back again
If it's over you can let his memory in
Come on over, we'll let our love begin.
You know that I'm yours for the asking
If you're really asking, for true love
Words can't express how I want you
Oh, how I want to believe you're giving him up.
But is it over are you really over him
Is it over or will you take him back again
If it's over you can let his memory in
Come on over we'll let our love begin.
Is it over, come on over let our love begin.I
s it over...

I Don't Want You To Go
Here I am Alone and I don't understand
Exactly how it all began T
he dream just walked away
[Refrain] I'm holding on
When all but the passion's gone
[Chorus] And from the start
Maybe I was tryin' to hard It's crazy coz it's breakin' my heart
Things can fall apart but I know, That I don't want you to go
And heroes die, When they ignore the cause inside
But they learn from what's left behind
And fight for something else
[Refrain] And so it goes
That we have both learned how to grow
(Repeat Chorus)
[Bridge] Oh it's just too much
Takin' all the whole world all by myself
But it's not enough
Unless I stop trusting somebody else, Somebody else
And love again
[Instrumental Interlude]
And from the start
Maybe we were tryin' to hard
It's crazy coz it's breakin' our hearts
Things can fall apart but I know, That I don't want you to go, no
Maybe we were tryin' to hard
It's crazy coz it's breakin' our hearts
Things can fall apart but I know,
That I don't want you to go
Oh no, don't want you to go