Hanging on to my little faith

i guess when you grow older thats when you will realize that life is not all about you, its not about having new clothes for yourself; jewelries and all the good stuffs; it makes you think more of your family; i still live with my family, everyday we see each other but today, i dont wanna have to blame it on the rain again, I MISS THEM, i miss them a lot that it gives me the creeps to think that my life is meaningless with out them, i really dont care of what is to happen with me as long as they are in good condition.

I myself noticed how egocentric this blog is, its just that i feel that my family is a reserved treasure, i would wanna keep them to me and for me alone, i dnt wanna have to say this things here but thats just how i feel right now, if i wont let it out, this blog will be untrue and covered with plasticity.

My fathers health condition has been really affecting my emotional state lately. Hes been diagnosed with liposarcoma, tumors are all over his body that has made him bedridden for a couple months now. If I could carry his cross today, I will. Sometimes Im thinking that this could be the karma to all the sins I have done. But Im thinking its too unfair to do so thinking that the total effect of my actions and conduct during the successive phases of of my lifes existence, regarded as determining my fathers destiny.

He has undergone cobalt but even doctors had given up on him saying that even chemotherapy wont do. We then have turned to alternative medicine. Were hoping that this will do the magic that weve been expecting. I wanna see my father on his feet again! My heart is being torn into tiny pieces as I see him in pain and as he ask for help to end it all. But I wont, we wont, we will fight and do everything for his cure.

For somtime now, I have not been a believer. I dig inside and still see a little faith from deep within. Im hoping for the light to come to this dim little place of mine. A miracle. I want to be a living witness of the love and hope that the our lord has promised. Pls pray with me as hang on to my faith on the darkest part of my life.

O Lord Almighty, the Healer of our souls and bodies, You Who put down and raise up, Who chastise and heal also; do You now, in Your great mercy, visit our brother Jhun, who is sick. Stretch forth Your hand that is full of healing and health, and get him up from his bed, and cure him of his illness. Put away from him the spirit of disease and of every malady, pain and fever to which he is bound; and if he has sins and transgressions, grant to him remission and forgiveness, in that You love mankind; yea, Lord my God, pity Your creation, through the compassions of Your Only-Begotten Son, together with Your All-Holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit, with Whom You are blessed, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.
Let us pray to the Lord. Lord have mercy.


Thank you for taking time to pray with me. May God bless us all.

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isa na namang araw ang dumaan, maraming problema ang nalagpasan di akalaing ganito katibay, o Diyos kailangan ko ang inyong gabay

i hate the rain

malakas ang ulan sa labas kaya tambay muna ko dito sa blog ko, i dnt know whats with the rain but i really dont like it, when it rains, it bring a deep feeling of despondent. A downward force that pulls, and drowns me to the pictures of the past that i would want burried. Prospects were bleak. makes a river of tears flow in the window of my souls.

As rain comes with a strong wind, sa sobrang lakas it brings me to a certain level of desperation, Recklessness arising from despair pushing me to do things i never wanna do ever again. Sana tumigil na ang ulan, madness takes over as it continues to pour, nakakabaliw, as i pray for it to stop, lalong lumalakas. Ano nga ba ang meron sa ulan? hayy naku... so kaka ever, o cia, tulog na nga ako. this could be the effect of too much coffee and no sleep. eeek!

in my eyes

In my eyes, everyone wears a mask;
the society is obscured by the curse hypocrites cast.
They claim it to be true when they say they love you;
but who knows whether they are loving the empire that you have built or the flesh that is bound to be dust.
In my eyes, there are lots of good looking guys out there,hang on for a moment and true colors will show, theyr all gays.
I fear all.
I guess i'll just wait till I have no fears and hesitations before I act, but i shall be dead by then.at least then i'll feel nothing @ all.
How ever we try saying we have friends,even if the wolf protects the goat, it doesn't mean it wont eat the goat.Saying you have true friends is like saying I never liked Britney Spears.Fool!!!
All that is there left is to keep on hoping.
In my eyes,life Sucks!!! Take me to where you are oh grandma.
I hate the world today, tomorrow is a different day!